An American In Jamaica (ok la oooo..)

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning inJamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis.

The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"

The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says Welcome To Jamaica Have aNice Day".

kacang nenek!!

Seorang gadis membawa teman lelaki barunya yang berasal dari bandar pulang ke kampung untuk bertemu dengan neneknya.Setibanya ke rumah, si gadis terus meluru masuk ke dapur dan memeluk neneknya. Lupa tentang teman lelakinya yang masih di ruang tamu, si gadis tersebut terus berbual dengan neneknya.Teman lelakinya terus duduk di ruang tamu, sambil menantikan kekasihnya di dapur dia terpandang semangkuk kecil kacang badam dan gajus di atas meja. Bosan menunggu, diapun terus mangambil sebutir kacang, lalu memakannya.. setengah jam kemudian.. habis semangkuk kacang itu dimakannya!Si gadis setelah puas berborak dengan neneknya baru teringat yang teman lelakinya masih berada di ruang tamu. Lalu dia dan neneknya baik ke ruang tamu..

"Nenek, inilah teman lelaki saya yang katakan tadi.., Yang, minta maaf lupa nak kenalkan dengan nenek tadi," kata si gadis..

"Tak mengapa, saya pun nak minta maaf dengan nenek, habis semangkuk kacang nenek saya habiskan.." kata pemuda itu pula.

"Itulah cu, cucu-cucu nenek ini suka berikan nenek coklat kacang, tapi nenek ni bukannya ada gigi, jadi nenekpun hisaplah coklat tu sampai habis, kacangnya nenek letakkanlah dalam mangkuk tu..."

A Parrot Which Never Talks...

There's a guy who owns a parrot which never talks. So he goes to the pet shop to get some advice. The pet shop owner says he knows exactly what the problem is.

"Your parrot has too much hook in it's beak, what you have to do is file it's beak back and it will be able to talk just fine. You've got to be careful not to file it too far though, because if you take too much off the bird will drown the first time it has a drink."

The parrot owner asks how much the pet shop guy charges to do this beak modification and he says $100. So the parrot fancier decides he'll do it himself.

A week or so later they bump into one another in the street. The pet shop guy enquires how the parrot is and whether it is talking yet? The parrot owner says "the parrots dead". Pet shop guy says "I told you not to file the beak back too far, did he drown when he had a drink?".

Ex-parrot owner says "Shit no, he was dead before I got him out of the vice!!"

Lawak keretapi! (gilo sial)

Ada lah kisah dimana seorg Malaysian pulang dari melawat Singapore menaiki Keretaapi. DIA DUDUK LE DEKAT DGN TIGA ORG YG LAIN BANGSA NYA. MAT SALLEH AMERICA, ORG CUBA, MAT BANGLADESH. MEREKA BEBRBORAK LA MASING2 TENTANG CERITA NEGARA MRK.

TIBA2 MAT AMERICA NI KELUARKAN DUIT DOLLAR DAN BAKAR DGN LIGHTER DUIT TU. PAS TU BUANG KAT LUAR. JADI TANYA LAH DEPA. WHAT DO YOU DO THAT FOR? MAT AMERICA NI KATA, "WE HAVE A LOT OF AMERICA DOLLAR IN US,DON'T WORRY"

KEMUDIAN MAT CUBA NI KELUARKAN CUBAN CURUT. DIBAKARNYA CURUT TU...LEPAS SATU DUA SEDUT DIA CAMPAK KELUAR. DEPA TANYA MAT CUBA"WHAT DO YOU THAT FOR?" WE HAVE ALOT OF CUBAN CIGAR IN MY COUNTRY".

SI MAMAT MALASIA NI PERHATI JE MAT BANGLA NI...DOK TENGAH CARI IDEA APA PULAK NAK BUAT. MAT MALAYSIA NI TANPA MELENGAH KAN MASA...AMBIK MAT BANGLADESH NI CAMPAK KELUAR TINGKAP. BELUM SEMPAT DEPA TANYA. MAT MALAYSIA KATA "DONT WORRY WE HAVE A LOT OF THEM IN MALAYSIA"

Amusing stories (lawak nie!)

A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg. The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit. A busybody who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!". The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass".

Father and Sister..(indon)

Seorang Pastor di Pasturan memanggil salah seorang Suster untuk     datang
       ke kamarnya, dan beginilah dialognya:

       Pastor: Suster, kemari saya ingin menunjukkan sesuatu pada anda.
       Suster: Ya Romo, ada apa?
       Pastor: Masuklah ke kamarku dan tolong tutup semua tirai jendela.
       Suster: APA!!!????
       Pastor: Saya bilang............
       Suster: Ya saya mendengar Romo, cuma saya nggak percaya apa yang Romokatakan.
       Pastor: Benar, saya minta anda masuk ke kamar saya. (Walaupun dengan ragu-ragu tetapi Suster menuruti apa yang diperintahkan oleh Bapak Pastor)
       Pastor: Duduklah di tempat tidur sini di sebelahku.
       Suster: Maaf Romo, saya harus keluar dari kamar ini.
       Pastor: Mengapa anda ragu-ragu, ayolah duduk disebelahku sini.(Dengan hati berdebar-debar akhirnya Suster duduk disebelah Pastor)
      Pastor: Masuk ke dalam selimutku sini!!!
      Suster: APA????!!!!
       Pastor: Ayolah jangan ragu-ragu, nanti anda akan tahu.... (Dengan
        perasaan takut Suster masuk kedalam selimut bersama Bpk Pastur)
       Pastor: Ayolah mendekat sini. (Dengan gemetaran akhirnya Suster mendekat juga)
       Pastor: Lihatlah jam tangan G-SHOCK-ku yang baru ini.....bisa MENYALA di kegelapan!!!!!!!!